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3 ways poor parenting plays out for employers

Have you ever thought “I wonder who parented you!” when you think about some of the more ‘difficult’ colleagues at work? Given that EQ is often pretty well cooked by the age of seven, (just like the Jesuits said) how much easier might our working lives be if we didn’t have to spend time working around the EQ gaps of some colleagues.

It starts early, so here are three tips from the experts on how to build self-aware, confident, kind and resilient adults.  Today’s children are your future employees and colleagues!

  1. Constructive Feedback

A few years ago I gave some constructive performance feedback to a colleague in her mid 20s.  I’d prepared a pretty gentle approach because she was a pretty gentle kinda ‘gal, but I was taken aback when she burst into tears half way through the conversation. She caught her breath, wiped away the tears but the chat was over. The next day she asked to see me behind closed doors. She told me that she was deeply hurt by our conversation as it was the first time anyone had ever said anything negative about her performance. “What about when you were growing up?” I asked. She replied “No I’m an only child and my mother, father and I have always been best friends.  I’ve never been told off in my life.”

Ouch.

  1. Entitlement be damned

When my own children were growing up and the inevitable “It’s Not Fair, she’s got more strawberries than me’ was trotted out over dessert, or “He got more Christmas presents than me”, my stock standard reply was “Life’s not always fair, so get used to it”. Disappointment is a part of life, and managing early disappointments help build resilience. There will always be people smarter and dumber, greater haves and greater have-nots, healthier or sicker, etc etc. The more we allow children to think that life owes them something, the greater their disappointment in life will be, and the lower their self-agency becomes.

Fair is fair, but greed and entitlement are ugly.

  1. Do as you say

One of the perennial hallmarks of great employees is reliability. Such a boring word, but such a powerful performance indicator. Great employees Do As They Say They Will Do. These are habits and patterns built in childhood, and they relate to trust and integrity. If you say it, own it. What happens when a child makes, but doesn’t deliver on promises such as “I’ll put the bins out” or “I’ll empty the dishwasher”? Do we shake our heads and silently do the job instead? Or do we let them experience the consequence of having to do all the overflow dishes by hand, hose and clean out the smelly bins, or deduct something from their pocket money?

Actions and consequences are a great way to prepare for life as a trusted colleague.

A little bit of tough love in childhood goes a long way towards building a great employee.  So what do you see in your world @work or your world @home when it comes to the great and not so great colleagues?

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Daniel Goleman explains why Eco-intelligence is a thing

There’s EQ, there’s IQ, and now there’s Eco Intelligence. Except the ‘now’ is 10 years old and I’m late to the party.

How did I even hear about this? A few weeks ago, a bunch of us were rabbiting on about the relative EQ and IQ of a recent senior appointment, and our visiting international expert added, “And of course you’d have taken into account their Eco-Intelligence.

I nodded in zealous agreement, Yes, of course, Eco-Intelligence, at the same time my mind was shooting blanks.

Since then, I’ve done my homework. If like me you didn’t know Eco-intelligence was a thing, then let me bring you up to speed in 2 minutes.

The term, first coined by Daniel Goldman is the title of his 2009 book Ecological Intelligence. It has gained traction through consumer action, apps and websites such as GoodGuide. Where it has still to gain traction is in the hiring of senior managers who can embed eco values and an eco-culture.

Explaining it in his compelling straightforward style, Goleman has a 90 second video that’s worth viewing.

Daniel Goleman Connects Emotional and Ecological Intelligence

Daniel Goleman explains Ecological Intelligence

In it, he explains the rapport we build with other humans is ‘I-to-You’. Or we might fail to build mutual rapport because we use a command and demand approach, which is ‘I-to-It’. And that’s how we can also understand Eco-intelligence. Namely, if we are mindful of our rapport with the earth, respectful and open to giving and taking, then that’s high Eco-Intelligence. If we strip the earth of its potential, command, demand, and show no respect, then that’s low Eco-intelligence.

At a consumer level, Eco Intelligence has been brought to life with Apps and websites such as GoodGuide. GoodGuide’s mission is to provide consumers with the information they need to make better shopping decisions. Consumers can choose products that contain ingredients with fewer health concerns, while it gives retailers and manufacturers compelling incentives to make and sell better products. There are also environmental impact assessment tools too that help corporates and individuals assess their production, distribution and consumption decisions.

How do you create eco values at your world @work, and how do you embed Eco intelligence in your decision making?

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