Have you ever thought “I wonder who parented you!” when you think about some of the more ‘difficult’ colleagues at work? Given that EQ is often pretty well cooked by the age of seven, (just like the Jesuits said) how much easier might our working lives be if we didn’t have to spend time working around the EQ gaps of some colleagues.
It starts early, so here are three tips from the experts on how to build self-aware, confident, kind and resilient adults. Today’s children are your future employees and colleagues!
- Constructive Feedback
A few years ago I gave some constructive performance feedback to a colleague in her mid 20s. I’d prepared a pretty gentle approach because she was a pretty gentle kinda ‘gal, but I was taken aback when she burst into tears half way through the conversation. She caught her breath, wiped away the tears but the chat was over. The next day she asked to see me behind closed doors. She told me that she was deeply hurt by our conversation as it was the first time anyone had ever said anything negative about her performance. “What about when you were growing up?” I asked. She replied “No I’m an only child and my mother, father and I have always been best friends. I’ve never been told off in my life.”
- Entitlement be damned
When my own children were growing up and the inevitable “It’s Not Fair, she’s got more strawberries than me’ was trotted out over dessert, or “He got more Christmas presents than me”, my stock standard reply was “Life’s not always fair, so get used to it”. Disappointment is a part of life, and managing early disappointments help build resilience. There will always be people smarter and dumber, greater haves and greater have-nots, healthier or sicker, etc etc. The more we allow children to think that life owes them something, the greater their disappointment in life will be, and the lower their self-agency becomes.
Fair is fair, but greed and entitlement are ugly.
- Do as you say
One of the perennial hallmarks of great employees is reliability. Such a boring word, but such a powerful performance indicator. Great employees Do As They Say They Will Do. These are habits and patterns built in childhood, and they relate to trust and integrity. If you say it, own it. What happens when a child makes, but doesn’t deliver on promises such as “I’ll put the bins out” or “I’ll empty the dishwasher”? Do we shake our heads and silently do the job instead? Or do we let them experience the consequence of having to do all the overflow dishes by hand, hose and clean out the smelly bins, or deduct something from their pocket money?
Actions and consequences are a great way to prepare for life as a trusted colleague.
A little bit of tough love in childhood goes a long way towards building a great employee. So what do you see in your world @work or your world @home when it comes to the great and not so great colleagues?